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Altercation Following “Finger Trick” Gone Wrong

Altercation Following “Finger Trick” Gone Wrong

by February 24, 2015 0 comments

On Monday morning, police were called to the house of a New Orleans man after neighbors complained about shouting and a possible physical altercation. When the police arrived on the scene, Bob Walters, 55, was found straddling and choking Raymond James, 60. Reportedly, Walters was repeatedly yelling “How did you do it? How did you do it?” until subdued by the officers at the scene.

While there were no immediate witnesses, James stated that he was merely attempting to amuse his old friend with the classic parlor trick where an individual makes it appear as though he is removing the top of his finger, while really concealing both the top of the finger and his thumb (in place of the missing finger top). Watch this demonstration.

James reported that as the trick grew more and more believable (as Walters asked for it “again” and “again”), Walters grew further upset. James said, “I’ve never seen anything like it, except years ago when I got the nose of a friend. Luckily I gave it back in time. But this, being attacked, I’ve never experienced that before. I guess, I’m just a great magician. I really didn’t mean to rile him up, but now I know how good the trick is, and with great power comes great responsibility, as Shakespeare once said.”

Both men were taken into custody, but Walters has yet to calm down. He is currently seeking legal and magical council. He has hired an attorney against the state of existence, and he is trying to find a counterspell against his long time friend.

“It’s just tragic,” said arresting officer Doug Hout, “This is why we warn people against hacky parlor tricks, they just make people lose their minds. Now these two friends may never reconcile.”

The Voodoo community has spoken out in the midst of all of this magic talk. A shaman, who wishes to go unidentified, said, “This is detrimental to us practicing real magic. I can kill a man…I mean, help a man, with a doll that takes days of laboring and collecting his DNA…I mean, flowers…collecting flowers, and this guy does a simple finger illusion and gets the credit for the magic he does, while mom and pop businesses like mine are seen as mumbo-jumbo and even regular sized mumbo.”

James does not want to charge his friend, but Walters insists on a “courtroom showdown” as he is calling it.


This article is entirely satirical and is not intended as real news, reportage, or journalism. Not that you would have thought that, anyway. 

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