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5 Reasons Internet Lists Are Destroying Literacy

5 Reasons Internet Lists Are Destroying Literacy

by April 9, 2015 0 comments

We’ve all seen ’em, we’ve all read ’em, we’ve all ignored ’em and rolled our eyes at ’em. Internet lists, this is going to be one. It’s going to be hypocritical, but that’s what the internet is about! Hypocrisy! Every list starts off with a snooty, smug introduction desperately begging for confirmation bias as a means of survival. This isn’t like that. I swear. Let’s get to the thing then. The following are reasons internet lists are destroying literacy.

1. 3ecuz of ting$ lik4 d1s!1!!!!!!

N33d I $ay M0re?!

2. They’re mostly just stolen pictures

The majority of internet lists are aimed at an adult or mature audience (and not “mature” by the internet’s definition). If you need any proof that the internet has allowed us to devolve into mutated illiterate children with soft brains, just take a look at all the picture-book content on the internet. From Instagram, where you post pictures for sheer validation, to Twitter where the most illiterate tend to run rampant. Then there are lists. Buzzfeed, Tumblr, etc. It’s all picture books, and it’s further dissolving the IQ of the lowest common denominator.

3. Go try to Read a Book Without Breaking Focus
Internet lists are a simple way to get the point across without having to do any of that hard thinking stuff. You can just accept what you read as fact, or it could validate some innate emotional weakness one has with lists like “20 Reasons You’re Not A Loser.” Chances are if you’re reading articles like that, you’re probably a loser, and if you weren’t one before, after reading it, you’re a loser. Go find self confidence in yourself and the real world, not on some list written by a 30 yr-old unambitious barista.

4. You’re Reading This Right Now Aren’t You?

What did you expect to find here, really?

5. Because Boredom

First, I’d like to say that the phrasing used in this section is meant to be ironic “because internet”. We use this neanderthal speech in conjunction with one of the greatest technologies. And why do we do all this shit? Because we’re bored. Which is really unfortunate, because there’s very little to be bored with. You could be doing so many things, but you came here to read this drivel. Now that’s hypocritical, but I’m paid to be here. Why don’t you go for a walk or climb a tree or something?

 

 

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